When Memories Fade: A Son’s Story
WRITTEN BY: JOE NESTER
It had been over a year since I had last been home, and during that year, my parents had sold the family home of 50 years and moved into a small independent living facility that had a nursing home attached. Having worked in the senior care industry, I knew that the residents of independent facilities were often more appropriate for assisted living, and my initial thought was that my parents had moved too soon because of their comparatively young age in this community. Visiting in person, though, I witnessed first-hand the decline of my father's memory and cognitive skills. I could see that my mother was struggling with this new reality, and she would get angry and frustrated when my father could not recall events or conversations that took place on the same day. After a lifetime of marriage and relating on an equal footing, she couldn't understand how a disease could steal his memory and that it wasn't his fault.
It is estimated that over six million Americans aged 65 and older are living with Alzheimer's disease as of 2023. By 2050, the number of people with Alzheimer's is projected to reach 13.8 million, barring any medical breakthroughs. Alzheimer's is the sixth leading cause of death in the US, with Alzheimer's and other dementias associated with 134,242 deaths in 2020 in the US.
Caring for someone with dementia can be challenging, with multiple obstacles unique to the disease. As dementia progresses, conversations become more difficult and frustrating for both patients and caregivers. A person with dementia can feel confused and have anxiety when they are unable to recognize familiar faces, places, and events. Some patients can become angry, irritable, and physically aggressive when they are triggered by confusion and fear. Watching a loved one's cognitive abilities decline is a heavy emotional burden and can lead to feelings of grief and helplessness for the caregiver.
One of the most important aspects of caring for someone with Alzheimer's is to become educated about the disease. It is a progressive disease, and understanding its stages allows the caregiver to adapt to new strategies as the disease evolves. Education also teaches caregivers how to create safe environments to reduce the risk of accidents and ensure their loved one receives proper nutrition, medication, and hygiene care.
It is disorienting to see a person you have known and loved all your life with their mind slowly erased until you become a stranger to them. A couple of years after my dad passed, I had the opportunity to attend a talk on Alzheimer's by the talented author of "Creating Moments of Joy," Jolene Brackey. The book is a realistic look at how caregivers can meet patients where they are at every stage of the disease rather than trying to fit them into a world they no longer understand. As I listened to the talk, I remember thinking of how my mother could have benefitted from Jolene's insights during her time as my father's primary caregiver.
If you are concerned about Alzheimer's or have a family history of the disease, Your Health is a great place to start with a comprehensive medical assessment. Conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol can increase your risk for the disease. Your Health’s Social Workers are able to provide cognitive assessments as well should you suspect a loved one might have a change in their memory. Alzheimer's prevention research is constantly evolving, and breakthroughs are continually emerging; it pays to stay informed so you can talk with your doctor about the latest research and new medications available, especially when diagnosed in the early stages.